The Villain Reform School
by Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant
Summary: Okay, so maybe Vaati had epically failed his attempts at being a model citizen. Maybe he hadn't been able to hold any job for long, due to his destructive temper tantrums. But how did that justify Princess Zelda deciding he needed to go to school, to 'relearn' how to reform! And why did he have to be stuck with such idiotic classmates! A parody, with plenty of OOCness.
1. Vaati Isn't a Model Citizen

_This was supposed to be a one shot, but I have so many ideas, it will be a mult-chapter. I don't know how long it will take for chapters to update though. I may have ideas, but I don't have a clear image on how I want this story to go, or even how long it might be. And since this is a parody, everyone will be very OOC. If you don't like OOC fics, then I suggest you don't read this. And if anyone has anything they want me to include in this story, let me know! I may or may not add the suggestions, depending on what they are, but I'd love to hear them!_

_Anyway, disclaimer time! Let's have Majora do it!_

_Majora: ...wat. Why am I doing it?_

_Because I said so._

_Majora: So? I don't have to listen._

_Oh come on!_

_Majora: ...fine. Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda. And thank goodness for that, because I'd be afraid to see how she'd ruin us all._

_Gee, thanks a lot. Anyway, enjoy and review!_

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><p>Vaati just could not understand it. He really couldn't.<p>

Sure, he wasn't the nicest person (Hylian/Minish/Demon… whatever) in Hyrule. Sure, he sometimes lost his temper a bit. And sure, his little temper tantrums caused minor destruction.

So he wasn't perfect. But who was? Nothing he had ever done warranted this. Zelda was just so, so very cruel. Really, how could she have done this? It was bad enough that after reforming, Vaati had had to be closely watched by Link, to ensure he 'didn't lapse back into his old habits', as Zelda put it.

But that had been years ago! Vaati was a changed Hylian/Minish! Didn't the Princess see that?! Why, oh why in the name of all that was holy and unholy, did Zelda have to do this to him! Why had she decided to send him to…school?!

And it wasn't just any school. Oh no, since Vaati was apparently still such a 'danger', he was being sent to Villain Reform School. Villain Reform School?! Vaati hadn't even known that there was such a thing!

It was just all so unfair. Vaati had caused no trouble during the years since he'd reformed. Heck, he'd even tried to fit in with the rest of society, but getting jobs!

Of course, it could be, just maybe, the jobs that had landed Vaati in this mess. After all, none of them had actually ended well.

Maybe it had been the job as a psychiatrist that had gotten Vaati into this? How was Vaati supposed to have known that he wasn't supposed to have sent Ganondorf to the Lost Woods Asylum? Ganondorf sure had acted like he should go there. Even Link had seemed fine with that. So, obviously Zelda would have supported Link, right? Noooo, she had to go all _noble_, and start in about how Vaati had not had enough proof to condemn Ganondorf to that. Of course, Vaati had gotten angry, and had ended up destroying the psychiatrist building during his tantrum. Because that was a normal reaction to have, when one's boss threatened to fire one.

Or maybe it had been Vaati's next job, a babysitter? Well, it wasn't his fault that Zelda and Link had such bratty children. It _certainly _wasn't his fault that Ganondorf had somehow broken out of the Asylum, just to try to attack Link, and had ended up walking in on Vaati getting his hair braided. It was perfectly natural that Vaati reacted to the humiliation by turning everyone into stone. Honestly, Zelda should have been _pleased_, but no. She just _had_ to make him turn everyone, including Ganny, back to normal.

Then again, perhaps it hadn't been either of those jobs. It could have been Vaati's most recent job, a postman. There had been no way Vaati was going to wear that outfit. Oh no, he had much more pride and dignity than that. _Why_ Zelda had had to get all huffy about Vaati turning the postmaster into stone, and then setting a tornado on the post office, he had no idea.

Whatever job it had been, Zelda had decided that Vaati was not reformed enough. That he apparently could turn back into a villain any moment. So she had decided that, if Vaati wanted to remain in Hyrule and not get resealed again by Link, he had to go to Villain Reform School. Which apparently she had already sent other villains too.

Oh joy. So Vaati would have competition, would he? Other villains who would most likely want to take Vaati's rightful place of the most powerful villain, others who would dare to say they were more fabulous and powerful then Vaati, others who would think that they would be more feared than Vaati, even though no one was more feared than Vaati, because Vaati was clearly terrifying, and the other villains wouldn't hold a candle to him, after all Vaati was even better than Ganny, in fact Vaati was better than everyone, and if they couldn't see that, oh they would pay, oh yes, and-!

"Vaati, are you just going to stand there, staring at the school, or will you actually go in? Hurry up, I don't have all day."

Link's impatient voice broke Vaati out of his inner ranting with a start.

Vaati glared at Link. "Do you think you can tell me what to do?!"

"You aren't helping your case by acting like that, Mr-I'm-Supposed-To-Be-Reformed," Link replied, still sounding annoyed.

Vaati seethed, but had to grudgingly admit Link had a point. If he wanted to prove to the Princess that he wasn't going back to being a villain, he'd have to act differently. At least until she decided to let him leave this infernal school.

But, oh, how tempting it was to just turn Link into stone. It would be so easy to slip back into his villain days, the days where he'd been respected and feared!

But no, he was reformed. Vaati had made that decision a long time ago, and Vaati stuck to his decisions, dammit! He wasn't whishy-washy like a certain Hero he knew.

"Let's just get this over with," he muttered, hoping he wouldn't end up regretting this.

Unfortunately, Vaati regretted it as soon as he entered the classroom.

He took one look at the other 'students' and knew that he'd hate them all. That they would annoy him to death.

And the teacher of the class… Oh goddesses, the teacher was Dark Link.

Vaati could not believe it. He was going to be taught to 'reform' by a copy of Link?! Sure, Dark Link had been evil once, but still! A Link was a Link, not matter if he had been a villain or hero! And how come Dark Link was considered reformed enough to teach this class, while Vaati was supposed to learn about reforming?! How did that even make sense?!

Link actually seemed a bit sympathetic, when he took in the class Vaati would be forced to sit with. He really did not envy Vaati one bit.

"Well… good luck," Link said, giving Vaati a small pat on the shoulder.

Then he ran off, leaving Vaati to face the Reform School alone.


	2. Cia is Surrounded by Idiots

_And this, children, is why we should never hire Dark Link as a teacher._

_And the villain of this story is... Ganondorf! So creative and original. *coughnotatallcough* _

_As for Navi being the punishment... I bet you all thought it would be Tingle, eh?!_

_And every villain (ahem, students) who appeared in this chapter will be the only students. I'm not putting in villains from Zelda games I haven't played, like Dethl._

_This story will have very random twists and should not be logical in anyway. If this story starts to make sense and someone is not incredibility OOC, then I'm failing my job. _

_And yes, Cia is going to be nice. Yes, she will be the one to try to help and befriend Vaati. Yes, she and Vaati will fall in love. Vaati x Cia... OTP everyone!_

_Disclaimer: I don't want to do it for every, single chapter, so this will serve for every future chapter: I don't own Legend of Zelda._

__(And don't worry, I was joking about the Cia x Vaati. But there may be some side Volga x Cia... and I'm not joking about that.)__

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><p><p>

One would think that Vaati would have at least a few minutes before the insanity started. That he'd have a teensy moment to get over the fact that he had to attend this blasted school.

No.

Dark Link started in as soon as Link left. He slammed his fist down on his desk, causing everyone, even Vaati, to jump. "ALL RIGHT, CLASS! WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT HERE! HIS NAME IS VAATI, SO SAY HELLO, AND LET'S GET THIS STARTED!"

Vaati just stared at Dark. Why in the name of the three goddesses was Dark screaming like that?

One of the villians—ahem, students—raised her hand.

Dark nodded at her. "YES, CIA?!"

Cia winced at the scream. No matter how long she had been stuck in this school, she'd never get used to Dark shrieking like that. "He's purple."

"INDEED."

"Why?"

Dark shrugged. "HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! BECAUSE HE LIKES IT?!"

Vaati scowled. "I can hear you two, you know…"

Vaati had come prepared for many things. He was ready for stupidity, ignorance, annoying rules, annoying everything. But he had never expected Dark to suddenly leap at him, get right in his face, and scream, "YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS SIR, OR MR. DARK! IS THAT UNDERSTOOD, PURPLE?!"

Vaati sighed. Why did he have to go through this? Just… why? "My name is Vaati, not 'Purple'! And that woman certainly did not call _you_ sir!"

"WHAT WAS THAT, YOU LITTLE-!" Luckily for everyone's ears, Dark was interrupted.

"Give it a rest, Dark," a miniature version of Link sighed.

Vaati twitched. A miniature version of Link. With purple hair. It was… Shadow Link. "What… is he doing here?!"

Shadow just smirked at Vaati, while Dark scoffed. "He's my assistant. Duh."

Vaati could not believe it. Not only was Dark, who was _clearly_ insane, considered reformed enough to teach others to reform, Shadow was trusted by the Princess as well?! Oh that was _it._

"You little traitor! How dare you be reformed while I'm forced to sit in this stupid school! You will pay for this insult!" Vaati snarled, prepared to turn Shadow (and everyone else) into stone.

To Vaati's surprise, Dark didn't seem angered by Vaati's attitude. In fact, he brightened.

"WELL, LOOK AT THIS, CLASS! WE HAVE A TROULBE MAKER! AND YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!" Dark screamed happily.

The class instantly looked terrified. Cia shot a sympathetic look at Vaati, and whispered, "Poor man. He doesn't stand a chance."

Vaati stared at them. "Um… what in the blazes is wrong with you all?"

One of the students, a weird looking guy who looked like a leprechaun, gave Vaati a very grim look indeed. "You'll see."

Dark grinned maliciously. "SHADOW, WOULD YOU DO THE HONORS AND RELEASE… THE NAVI!"

Shadow saluted. "Gladly!" He shot out of the room.

Vaati blinked. "The what now?"

He got his answer minutes later, in the form of a tiny ball of fluttery light shouting, "HEY! LISTEN! HEY! WATCH OUT! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY!" And so on.

The entire class covered their ears and looked pleadingly at Dark.

Dark waved a dismissive hand. GO ON, THEN! ONLY PURPLE IS BEING PUNISHED, AFTER ALL!"

Everyone shot out, Cia being the only one who even seemed remotely sorry for Vaati.

Dark and Shadow left as well, Dark grinnig evilly at Vaati, before locking the door.

"HEY! LISTEN! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK! WATCH OUT! LISTEN! LOOK!" Navi shrieked on and on, without pausing to breath.

Vaati tried to endure it. He really did. But after an hour of "Hey! Listen!"s, he just could not stand it. He went nuts, trying to turn Navi into stone. The fairy, used to attacks, skillfully dodged all his spells, happy screaming the entire time. Man, did she love this job.

**With the other villains: **

Meanwhile, the rest of the villains, having been herded into another room by Dark, were discussing Vaati's punishment.

"He hasn't even been here for a day. Dark could have gone easy on him!" Cia huffed.

"Meh, he deserved it," Wizro said.

"Besides, it's always funny to see what the newbies are like, after they face Navi!" Cole cackled.

Cia glared at him. "You didn't think that way when _you_ had to spend a whole day with that fairy."

Cole stopped laughing. He shivered. He didn't like to remember that day.

"Perhaps if he were more fabulous, like me and Yuga, he would have escaped that," Ghirahim suggested, while checking his hair in a little hand mirror.

Yuga nodded in agreement, also checking his own hair.

"Oh, please. You two are about as fabulous as bread," Bellum scoffed.

Yuga glared. "How dare you! No one is more fabulous that us!"

Ghirahim jumped in. "YES!"

Yuga went next: "FOR!"

Then Ghirahim: "WE!"

And Yuga: "ARE!"

Ghirahim again: "THE!"

Then both together: "THE FABULOUS DUO!"

Confetti and sparkles randomly rained down on everyone, as Ghirahim and Yuga cheered and danced about.

Zant shrieked. "Where does all that come from?! It's touching me!"

Malladus rolled his eyes. "It's not hurting you."

The Twili ignored him and ran around in circles, trying to avoid the sparkles and confetti.

Volga, being attracted to all things shiny, was doing the opposite of Zant, and trying his best to catch every sparkle in sight.

Majora's Mask randomly floated by, humming the Song of Healing.

Cia sighed. She was surrounded by idiots.

**Meanwhile, with Vaati:**

"HEY! LISTEN! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK!"

"STAY STILL, YOU WRETCHED FAIRY! I SWEAR, WHEN I CATCH YOU, I WILL KILL YOU IN THE MOST PAINFUL WAY POSSIBLE! TO STONE WITH YOU! TO STONE WITH YOU! DAMMIT, STAY STILL!"

**Some random place in the school, away from the other villains:**

Ganondorf grinned to himself. He could hear screaming, and knew it was the Wind Mage. So. Vaati had been sent here, eh? Perfect. Ganondorf had been tracking Vaati down, ever since that incident with the babysitting. After all, he had to make Vaati pay for tossing him in an asylum and then humiliating him by turning him to stone.

Ganondorf was a bit surprised that Vaati was here, considering that he had thought Zelda trusted the Mage. But he wasn't going to complain. After all, if Zeld hadn't sent Ganondorf and Vaati to this school, Ganondorf would have had to wait even longer for his revenge.

Ah, he could not wait for his revenge. Vaati would not know what was coming. Ganondorf, the Great King of Evil, would never be humiliated by the Wind Mage again.

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><p><em>I would totally react like Zant and try to avoid the sparkles and confetti. Confetti and sparkles... it's deadly stuff, my friends. Deadly. <em>


	3. Team Villain!

_LE GASP! I actually updated this! I'm sorry it took so long, I got stuck! T_T_

_Anyway, remember, everyone is OOC and should be._

_Also, nice!Cia is so fun to write. But why is she so cold to poor Volga?! I don't know why yet (I know, it's sad) but you can guess anyway! Who knows, maybe I'll use one of your ideas! Or maybe I'll figure it out and one of you will guess correctly! _

_Anyway, I don't own Legend of Zelda, Hyrule Warriors, or any of its characters._

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><p>Dark Link would die. Painfully. So would Link. And Zelda. Wait, no. Vaati still had a bit of a soft spot for Zelda, even if she had sent him to this terrible school.<p>

Still, someone just had to die! Vaati had spent hours trapped in the tiny class room, with that blue fairy screeching at him. Vaati had been unable to turn her to stone, as the accursed thing had skillfully dodged all his attacks. Almost as if she were used to being attacked. Dark Link had _finally_ let him out, and by that time, Vaati had been near his breaking point. It hadn't helped that all the other villains had found it so _very_ hilarious.

Oh, how Vaati hated every single one of them. He couldn't wait until he got out of this school, just to see their faces when he graduated first. After all, he was already reformed, even if Zelda seemed to disagree. All he had to do was keep his temper in check, and he'd be let out in no time. Granted, it was hard to control his temper, but he had managed it, even when all the villains had started to make fun of him. Vaati was so proud of himself. He was amazing.

"PURPLE, PAY ATTENTION WHEN I'M TEACHING!" Dark Link bellowed, noticing that Purple was staring absently at the wall.

Vaati jumped. He'd never get used to that scream. "I _am_ listening," he muttered sulkily.

"OH, REALLY?! THEN YOU CAN TELL ME THE VERY FIRST THING A REFORMED VILLAIN SHOULD DO, ONCE HE/SHE IS RELEASED INTO SOCIETY!"

"Of course I can!"

"THEN TELL US! AND IF YOU GET IT WRONG, YOU'LL BE WITH NAVI AGAIN FOR 5 HOURS, AND YOU'LL HAVE TO RETAKE THIS LESSON!"

Vaati sniffed haughtily. "Well, the first thing he should do-"he paused. Crap. What _was_ the first thing? Get a job? Somehow he didn't think so.

Dark Link grinned. "WE'RE WAITING, PURPLE!"

"He should-"

Cia, who was sitting directly behind Vaati, leaned forward the tiniest bit, and whispered, "Request an audience with the Princess, to get their 'reformed citizen' assignments'."

Now, one might wonder if Dark Link had noticed that. He didn't. When he was talking to a specific student, he only paid attention to said student. So, he didn't noticed Cia lean forward. And of course he didn't hear her whisper.

Volga, who was next to Cia, _did_ hear her, but said nothing. He had never helped a newbie himself (he found it a bit amusing to watch them flounder), but he didn't interfere when he caught cheating. He had better things to do. Besides, he'd _never_ do anything to get Cia in trouble.

Vaati internally sighed in relief and repeated what Cia had told him. Dark looked rather disappointed and continued with the lesson.

Somewhere in the room, the unseen Navi (she was actually stuffed in Dark's desk drawer) sighed. She had so been looking forward to "HEY LISTEN!"ing that purple Hylian to death.

~sometime after the lesson~

Ghirahim fabulously strutted down the hall, humming his theme. He and Yuga were going to go out into town for some shopping, and he was meeting him at the entrance. He wasn't really paying attention, and thus didn't notice Zant, who had randomly popped out of nowhere.

He did notice him, when he ran right into him.

"OCHIES!" Zant wailed, trying to push Ghirahim off him.

"How _dare_ you obstruct the path of the Fabulous Lord Ghirahim, you worm!" Ghirahim snapped, getting up and brushing himself off. He froze. "LE GASP! I've broken a nail!"

He rounded on Zant, his eyes filled with fury. Zant squeaked in fear and ran for his life.

Ghirahim vanished in a cloud of sparkly diamonds and appeared right in front of Zant, the latter squeaking again, and skidding to a stop. A gloved hand found his neck a second later and squeezed.

"You. Will. Pay. For. Your. Insult!" Ghirahim snarled. Oh, he was so angry! He'd just had his nails manicured and now they were ruined! Stupid, clumsy Twili!

Zant twisted desperately, trying to get out of the Demon Lord's iron grip. His fear grew when he realized there was no way he would get away without help. And even if anyone passed by, they'd look the other way. No one liked Zant, and would be more than happy to let Ghirahim strangle him to death. The only one who'd try to help him would be Cia, and she wouldn't be here at this time. She'd be in her room, with her dozens upon dozens of pictures of Link. Zant. Was. Doomed.

Or so he thought.

Ganondorf suddenly appeared and pushed the two apart. Ghirahim seethed.

"What is your problem?!" He shrieked. "No one interprets the Fabulous Lord Ghirahim! No one! I should-!" his words died, when he got a good look at who had stopped him. There was something about this man than reminded him strongly of his old master, Demise.

Ganondorf smirked at him. "Starting now, you two work for me."

Ghirahim just nodded mutely, still overwhelmed by the aura of Demise.

Zant gazed at Ganondorf with worshipful eyes. This man –no, this god!- had saved him! Zant would serve him for eternity!

~somewhere else, with Vaati~

Great. Just perfect. No really, this was wonderful. Vaati had always wanted to be lost in a school full of villains who hated him.

Seriously, he had always thought he'd had an excellent sense of direction. But apparently not, because he couldn't find his room, not even with the map Dark Link had given him. Granted, Dark could have tampered with the map, but Vaati doubted it. It was too subtle for the loud and blunt copy of Link. Shadow Link, however, would stoop to that. But from what Vaati understood, Dark Link was well aware of that, and refused to let Shadow so much as glance at the maps.

Which meant Vaati was terrible with maps. Yay.

So, Vaati could either continue wandering, and hope he'd find his room before the next day, or he could swallow his pride and ask for help. He cared for neither option.

"Vaati!" Vaati jumped and spun around, just to see Cia running toward him. Ah, the woman who had helped him in class. For that, Vaati supposed he could at least be civil toward her.

"What?"

Cia looked embarrassed. "Well, I noticed that you've been wandering ever since you were given that map. Are you lost?"

"Of course not," Vaati drawled. "I was just exploring, to get a better picture of this school."

"Oh." Cia didn't believe him. But he obviously was too prideful to ask for help. Better handle this tactfully. "Well, I was just headed to my room which, incidentally, is near yours, and since it's late, do you just want to go together? We should get some sleep, since we have to get up earlier than usual."

"Ah." Vaati could tell Cia hadn't bought his lie, but at least she was pretending she did. That was… actually quite considerate of her. And Vaati wasn't used to people being nice to him. He didn't really know what to make of it. But it was kind of…nice.

He shrugged, and said as nonchalantly as possible, "I suppose. I _am_ a bit tired."

Majora's Mask randomly floated by, humming the Song of Time.

Vaati stared. "Does he, she, er, it do that often?"

Cia nodded. "Every day."

"Weird…"

They were interrupted by Volga, who rushed into view. He skidded to a stop, seeming a bit put off to see Vaati there.

Cia suddenly grew rather cold. "Hello, Volga. Can we help you?"

Volga fidgeted. He usually had a hard time collecting himself around Cia, and to make matters worse, that purple Hylian was here. He almost turned back, but quickly decided against it. No. This time he was going to do it.

He fingered the very shiny, very rare, and very precious gem he had found awhile back. It was the star of his hoard, and he was going to give it to Cia. For Volga, that was much better than any flowers or chocolate.

"Um… well…" he faltered at the cold glare Cia gave him. _Come on, Volga! Give it to her! Tell her how you feel! Sure, she seems to hate you, but maybe it's all in act!_

"Uh… I- I wanted t-to gi-"

Cia sniffed. "I'm not interested in anything you have to say, Volga. Let's go, Vaati." And she majestically swept off, leaving a rather hurt Volga behind.

Vaati shrugged. It was kind of weird how Cia was nice and warm toward everyone in the school, but turned into the Ice Queen when it came to Volga. But whatever. He followed Cia, not even acknowledging he'd noticed Volga.

Volga gripped the gem, trying to force back his hurt feelings. He had figured he'd have a tough time with this, considering how much Cia seemed to idolize Link, but Link was off in Hyrule Castle, married to Zelda. He had hoped she'd eventually warm to him. But with this, this _Vaati_ around-!

Wizro, deciding to join in the randomly-popping-out-of-nowhere party that everyone seemed to be participating in, cackled. "Looks like you don't stand a chance. She rejected you for a purple shrimp!"

Wizro soon regretted those words, as Volga rounded on him, breathing fire and burning the Poe into a crisp. Granted, it didn't kill the Poe, but it still was painful.

Wizro glared at the retreating back of Volga. He really hated that dragon.

~at the entrance~

"Where is that Ghirahim?! He's late!" Yuga fabulously huffed, and stamped on the floor, causing sparkles and confetti to rain down on him. "…why does that always happen?"

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><p><em>I just found out today that Tingle will be playable in the Majora's Mask DLC for Hyrule Warriors. AWWWW YEAH, CAN'T WAIT TO PLAY AS THE 35 YEAR OLD DUDE WHO WANTS TO BE A FAIRY! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE! (Seriously, I love this guy. He cracks me up). <em>


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